


A Heart With A Name

by erciareyes



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Allison and Scott deal with the aftermaths too, Chapter 2 tags, Chapter 3 tags:, Couch Cuddles, Derek is keeping Stiles safe, Derek is very understanding, Fire, I really can't tag sorry, M/M, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stiles is having a nightmare, Stiles is trying to find a way to cope after dying for the Nemeton, Trigger warning for the mention of fire and burning, and also Describtion of Death and Violence, tags will be added as the story goes, the triggering part can be skipped though, there's a sort of cuddling going on, trigger warning for death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erciareyes/pseuds/erciareyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is a dream. Oh god, I am still dreaming.", he whispers to himself. "Wake up, Stiles. Wake up. Wake up right now. Oh god...wake up."<br/>His fingernails dig into his skin, trying to inflict pain on himself so he will wake up. Again.<br/>"Stiles...shhh...you are awake."<br/>Derek's hand is on his shoulder, trying to calm him down and he has that look on his face again. Stiles starts sobbing. This isn't real. It can't be.<br/>"No, I am dreaming. This is not real. You are...NO! Don't touch me. Go away."<br/>The werewolf moves his hands away but stays close to the struggling boy.<br/>"Stiles, listen to me, we decided that I was gonna look after you, remember? I told you I will keep you safe. I am keeping you safe, okay?"<br/>______________________________________________</p><p>Stiles, Allison and Scott all deal with the darkness in their hearts after dying and coming back to life through the Nemeton but somehow there seems to be something else, something stronger making it harder for Stiles to get his life together again. The pack decides to help him, only to find themselves asking if maybe it's too late to stop whatever is going on with him and that maybe, some people around them aren't as trustworthy as they seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys :)  
> Sooo, this is my first fanfic that is not a one-shot and I have never ever posted a multi-chaptered fanfic. First things first: This is fanfic is not finished yet, so I am writing as we go and I really hope that I will be able to post regularly. I promise to try as much as I can and I will post a chapter every Sunday. 
> 
> Now, as for the trigger warnings: I want to say that there will be mentions of violence and gore and although it is all in a dream sequence, I still want to warn you guys. There's also describtions of panic attacks. In this chapter however, there won't be any triggers yet. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. :) 
> 
> I also want to thank the girl from Tumblr that did the polish translation for me. Unfortunately I had her translate it like a year ago, so I don't remember her name but she did a wonderful job. :)
> 
> If you want to find me on Tumblr, you can do so here: erciareyes.tumblr.com

_“Mama, it hurts.”_  
 _The little boy sits in the grass, crying and sobbing, holding his knee tightly against his body._  
 _“I know, Stiles, I know. Mama is going to make it better soon but it will burn a bit.”_  
 _The boy looks at his mother with big, teary eyes, whimpering. The scratches on his knee are bleeding but the dark-haired woman doesn't even flinch at the sight of her son’s bruised leg, like she's seen it a hundred times before. Like her son falling out of his tree house is something that happens every day, and maybe it is. She takes the sanitizer out of the small, green first aid kit and then grabs a bandage. The child watches his mother closely, not crying anymore because he is too invested in his mother’s actions._  
 _“Okay, are you ready?”_  
 _The boy bites his lips before he nods his head and the young woman starts disinfecting the wound with short presses. Small whimpering noises come out of the boy’s mouth and he bites his lip harder to keep them in. His mother looks lovingly at him; touching his hand in comfort before she finally attaches the bandage._  
 _“You are so brave, Przemysław! So, so brave."_  
 _The boy smiles brightly, all red eyes and tears, and then goes on to let himself sink into his mother’s arms. She winds her arms tightly around him.  
“Jestem z ciebie bardzo dumna, Przemyslawie Genimie Stilinski.” (I am very proud of you, Przemysław Genim Stilinski.) _

His mother had chosen his name right after he had been born. She hadn’t decided on a name until the moment she had actually seen her baby for the first time. Claudia Stilinski had waited until the minute she had first seen her little boy to choose his name and she had never regretted it once despite her husband’s (and apparently everybody else’s) inability to say his name right. He had heard millions of versions of his name and they had all been wrong, completely wrong, so after a while he had chosen his own name. A nickname that everyone could say without problems: Stiles. It had been an easy enough name to stick and after his mum had died, Stiles had been glad about that. He still is. Because hearing his real name now only reminds him how no one else in this world knew him like his mother did. No one else around him knows how to pronounce his full name. Not even Scott, not even his own dad (although he had tried hard enough). 

So yes, Stiles is glad that his name is a secret he had kept hidden for years now. He doesn't want to hear anyone else say his name than his mother, no one on this planet (or possibly any other planet) could say his name like his mother. They don't know how to say it right, they don't have the right voice or pronunciation or the softness of her words when she had whispered his name when he fell out of his tree house all this years ago. 

Stiles closes his eyes to blink the tears away. Days like this, when the memories of his dead mother come back to haunt him in his sleep, are the worst. He can't close his eyes because he still isn't ready to see her or hear her voice. Seven years and he still isn't ready. He will never be ready. 

And still, with the darkness that dying and coming back to life brought with it closing in on him, his mother’s voice is the only thing keeping him calm. For many years her words had been the only thing he had heard during his panic attacks. When everything else had been going down around him, she had stayed with him, telling him to breathe and focus. It had worked every time. Now there are more people in his head than he wants to hear but not all of them are bad. There is Scott, whose voice, next to Claudia’s, is still stronger than all the others, louder and more persistent. He is his best friend, it's normal. Then there is Lydia, which isn’t surprising, since he’s had a crush on her since forever and during the last months they’ve grown closer. She brought him back from dead, into the world of the living. She is his friend, his anchor.

And then there is this dark, soothing voice, words clear and controlled. Telling him to calm down, to be strong, to not ever give up. This one surprised Stiles. He hadn't even thought about this person being in his head until he had heard him for the first time. But a few weeks ago, after one of his many nightmares, he had heard him, more clearly than the others: Derek. Since that moment it has gotten louder and ever since Derek came back it is the one he trusts most although he doesn't know why. He has an assumption as to why Derek is talking to him in his head but he doesn't really want to get on that one. He has a lot going on in his life without a possible crush on a grumpy, messed up, heavenly attractive and overall male werewolf. He had guessed that he was bisexual since he’d first seen George Clooney shirtless at the age of thirteen but until now he’d never really gotten any confirmation. He doesn't want to deal with his sexuality in addition to all his other problems. Not right now. 

“Stiles! Scott’s here to get you to that pack thing you have tonight.”

Stiles sits up on his bed, already fully clothed and ready to go. Scott has set up a pack meeting for this evening so they could discuss what to do about the ‘darkness’ that was hunting him, Allison and Stiles down. Allison had lost her aim and apparently she also woke up to find herself getting eaten up by her dead aunt plus numerous of Kate’s friends which was, quite possibly, the most gruesome thing to imagine if Stiles was honest. His own nightmares are disturbing, weird and confusing but at least he doesn't wake up to being dinner for dead people. Although he has to admit that not being able to read was something else. He still isn't sure how to explain his sudden loss of reading ability to all of his teachers at school, not to think about all that research he can't do. He feels like the only weapon he has ever called his own has been taken from him but then again he isn't the only one. Scott can't transform properly and starts turning in the worst moments and Allison is constantly pointing arrows at innocent people like Lydia or Isaac or, just yesterday, Stiles himself. Fortunately Allison has found a way to get out of her trance just in time, so no one has been hurt…yet. 

Stiles makes his way down the stairs, his eyes tired and sore from being held open every night. He sees Scott standing in the hall, giving him a tired smile but Stiles knows that the circles under his friend’s eyes have grown darker over night. Scott doesn't sleep either, he is still trying to find control over his wolf, is afraid of losing it while being asleep. So he doesn't sleep at all. 

“Hey buddy!”, Stiles says and gives Scott a tired smile back. 

“You ready?”, Scott asks and Stiles nods, grabbing his backpack.

He walks away to put on his shoes, his father on his trail. 

“Stiles!”

He looks up.

“Be careful, okay? And call me when you get home!”

“Sure, dad, I will.” 

He forces himself to smile again and then turns around to walk out, the sound of the door falling into lock quietly behind him. Stiles gets into his jeep, Scott on the passenger side and starts the car. 

They drive in silence.

__________

"Okay, so let's just summarize this." 

Stiles sighs and leans back into the hard chair, his head tipping over the back. He is so done with all of this. For the last two hours they have reminisced about all the things that have been happening to them since they've come back from the dead. He's heard all of it a million and one times now and he is tired enough to just fall asleep on this extremely uncomfortable chair Derek has 'provided' for them, except for the fact that the last thing he wants is sleep. He knows that as soon as he will close his eyes, he won't be sure if he is awake or asleep. The edges between dreams and reality become fuzzier with every nightmare and Stiles isn't sure if one day he will just stay asleep forever, kind of like a coma but not really. He is scared shitless and still, here they are, discussing all the effects of the nemeton...again! 

A groan leaves his lips and he just lets his head hang down the back of the chair, his neck resting on the hard wood. The uncomfortable pain keeps him awake. 

"Stiles?", a dark voice asks and he looks up. It's Derek, who is scanning him with that look. The look he'd given him the night Stiles had woke him up in the elevator. The look that Stiles just can't stand because it makes him think that maybe, just maybe, there is more to it than just the worry of a friend. 

"Huh?" 

"You wanna add something to this?" 

Stiles shakes his head. "Nah, I don't think so."

There is a moment of silence, no one says a word and Stiles immediately feels like he's said something wrong.

"Do you have any idea what we were talking about?", Derek asks. 

"Uhm...the Nemeton...I guess?" 

Derek's eyebrows move up a bit and the werewolf sighs. 

"It's effects on you, Stiles. I think you should say something about that." 

Stiles huffs and moves to stand up from the chair.

"I already told you, all of you, what the effects are. I told you that I am having nightmares. I even told you what the fuck the dreams are about so what else do you want?"  
He is moving around the room now but he doesn't seem to notice it. His hands are flexing into fists at his sides. He is angry, tired, exhausted, scared...

"Seriously, can't we just accept that we will all go down this time, go home and bathe in the thought of our assured death?"

Stiles stops in front of the window and watches the sky, wondering how it is that the moon and stars are still shining so bright up there when everything is sinking into endless darkness down here. 

"Wow, and you say I am negative.", he hears Isaac's voice, clearly sarcastic and something inside him snaps.

Within seconds he moves across the room, his face cramped in anger and his fists already flying though the air.

"Shut up! Seriously, just SHUT UP! Nothing of this affects you, so why are you here, huh? Why not be useless somewhere else? You could sit at home, which is Scott's house by the way, the guy whose ex-girlfriend you are trying to bone, and not worry about a single thing." 

His voice is sharp and he is ready to jump and attack, well aware of the fact that Isaac could probably break his bones in two if he just moves his pinkie finger, but the frustration and anger inside him are so overwhelming that he doesn't know what else to do. For a second he asks himself if maybe this has something to do with the darkness growing and seeding inside him. He isn't a violent person. He does what he has to do to keep the ones close to him safe. Until now he's never had a reason to not protect Isaac. He's considered him a friend but after all that had happened with Scott and Allison and then Derek, Stiles feels anger towards him. And a lot of it too. 

"Stiles! Stop it right now!" 

A hand on his shoulder brings him back into the moment, the room they are standing in. Isaac's big, blue eyes are looking up at him, confused and truly scared and Stiles asks himself how Isaac could be scared of him, scrawny human Stiles, before he remembers that the young werewolf isn't a stranger to violence. His fists fall back to his side, his fingers relax, the air rises into his lungs and it feels like he is able to think clearly again. The hand on his shoulder, Scott's hand, is burning through the layers of his clothes right into his skin, grounding him, getting him back into reality. 

"I'm...I'm sorry, Isaac. I...god." 

A small sob fights its way through his lips and he sinks back onto his chair. Scott doesn't move his hand but instead pulls him into a tight hug. 

"It's okay, Stiles. I am sorry for being an arse.", he hears Isaac say and he immediately feels guilty. 

Isaac doesn't have to be here and still he is. Truth be told, he probably is here because of Allison and Scott, not really for him, but still...he's here. And he is trying to bring a bit of humor into this, a thing Stiles normally does and isn't able to do anymore. 

"Okay, I think that's enough for today. Since we still don't have a solution or even an explanation for all of this, I suggest that we take turns to keep an eye on each other.", Derek says, sounding more strung out than ever. 

Scott steps out of the hug he and Stiles shared to stand next to Stiles, his arm still slung around his best friends shoulder. 

"Okay, I guess since Isaac is staying at my place anyway it would be the best option to let him watch me?", Scott asks and Derek nods, giving Isaac a questioning look. 

"Yeah, sure, I mean, you're right. I am in the next room anyway and if we ask your mum, I am sure she'd let me move into your room until we find another way to keep you three safe, right?"

Everyone nods and Lydia, who has been exceptionally quiet throughout the whole meeting stands up to grab her bag now. 

"I could look after Allison, I am staying over at her house a lot anyway.", she shrugs. 

"And if anything is wrong you could just...you know...scream for us.", Isaac says.

"Or I could use my phone like a normal person." 

"Yeah, or that!" 

There is a small smile on Allison's face, which makes Stiles feel like gagging because seriously, doesn't she notice how hurt Scott is over all of this. Still, he is glad Isaac hasn't suggested watching over Allison because that would just have been the tip of the iceberg. 

"Okay, great, so that leaves Stiles.", Scott explains and Stiles wants to vanish into thin air because of course he is the last one left. With Lydia staying at Allison and Scott being into this too deep himself he knows what that means for him. 

"So I am getting the honor of having the creeper wolf himself right in my room? Awesome!" 

He can't avoid rolling his eyes thinking about it. Of course he will have to stick with Derek sneaking around his room at night, as if nightmares aren't enough already. Now he has to find a way to hide the sexual tension he feels every time the broody wolf is in the same room. Or the embarrassment about his nightmares. It is the last thing he wants Derek to witness, him writhing around in his bed in utter fear of nothing but his own head. But since this is his life, at least Stiles thought it is, it's bound to be embarrassing for him, even if it is meant to keep him safe. 

Derek chooses to ignore Stiles sarcasm, he's too used to it already and he knows that Stiles doesn't really mean everything he said just the way he said it. The boy is scared, there is no doubt about that, scared and totally exhausted from not sleeping and having nightmares. It hurts Derek to see Stiles like this because up until now Stiles has been the one who always has a solution for everything. The one who always has hope left somewhere in his lanky bones and generous heart. But when Derek tries to find that hope in his copper eyes now all he sees is darkness and tiredness. 

"Okay, good, then that's settled. Let's go home everybody, go to sleep and try to relax a bit." 

Derek stands up from his seat and makes his way over to Stiles. 

"I know this is not your number 1 solution, but for now that's all we can go with so go grab your things, I am getting you home. You are in no condition to drive back alone anyway." 

With a sigh Stiles stands up as well and grabs his backpack. This is going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek drives Stiles home. Stiles hopes that Derek won't realize how his problem is much bigger than everyone thinks and tries to deal with the fact that he will have Derek around much more and much closer now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for the kudos and the nice comments. I was very happy to see all of that and it makes me happy as a writer, too. I am very curious if you will enjoy this chapter and the rest of the story but I really hope so. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter, there are no warnings or triggers ahead, you should be able to read this chapter without getting triggered. 
> 
> I also decided to shorten the chapters, not because I want to torture anyone who's reading but because it gives me more time to write as I post. ;)
> 
> The song for this chapter is: The Weight Of Us by Sanders Bohlke (Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZiDlT94vp4) This song was stuck in my head while writing this chapter and I think it describes Stiles situation. It's also a little hint for what's to come as the story goes.

The car-ride back is the most quiet and awkward ride Stiles has ever witnessed. Derek looks like he wants to say a million things and Stiles feels like punching him whenever a word comes out of his mouth. It's funny how the sides have changed, he thinks and almost grins. Actually, it isn't in the least bit funny because if he is honest he is really glad Derek has chosen to bring him home. His eyes are hurting like hell from being held open for way too long and his head tells him to just relax for a few seconds but he can't. There is no way he will. He isn't angry at Derek, he isn't even angry to begin with. He is... he doesn't know what he feels anymore. There is this tickling under his skin that keeps him uptight and awake, on the edge and ready to jump any moment. He feels really bad because he knows Derek can feel all of his feelings and burdening him of all people with things like this feels just wrong. Derek has enough to think about without having to deal with Stiles' feelings on top of it. 

Derek stops the Jeep in front of Stiles' house. His dad's car isn't anywhere to be seen which means he isn't home yet. He probably fell asleep at the Station and Stiles can't even say that he is mad about it. His dad is the Sheriff and with Scott's father, Mr. Super-Douper-FBI, sticking his nose into the Sheriff's cases his job is hard enough to begin with. Without a numbered hours of sleep every night it is an impossible job to do but lately Stiles has kept his dad from sleeping though the night by waking up screaming and crying. He has tried to be extra quiet but most of the time he doesn't choose to wake up from a dream and he can't help but let his fear run free. It pushes its way through his chest and vocal chords only to end in tears and frustration. 

"My dad's not home, you can come in if you want.", Stiles says as he turns the key in the lock and opens the door. 

The inside of the house is dark. His fingers search for the light switch on the wall but his hand is shaking already. All he can find is cold wall beneath his sweaty skin. He feels Derek shift behind him and within seconds the light is on. He lets out a shaky breath and looks back at the werewolf behind him with an unsure expression.

"It's okay, Stiles.", Derek says and gives him a small nod.

Stiles takes off his jacket and shoes and wanders off into the kitchen to get himself a glass water. 

"You want something to drink?", he asks Derek, who shakes his head.

"Okaaay, so...you wanna watch a movie maybe? Or play with the playstation? We could...idk...play Mario Kart." 

His hands are shaking again just thinking about entering his bedroom let alone going to sleep. Stiles bites on his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth.

"Stiles...", he hears Derek's warm voice, closer now than before and he turns around again. 

His breath hitches when he sees that Derek is just inches away from him. 

"I didn't mean to scare you, sorry.", Derek says as he takes a step back. "But Stiles, it's almost midnight now and you are tired. You should-"

"I can't! I just...I can't. Can we just watch a movie or something and not sleep. I can watch it alone too, you don't need to stay. You can sleep I just...I can't, okay?" 

"Okay. What do you wanna watch?" 

Stiles lets out a breath and puts his glass down on the counter. He has been sure Derek would force him to go to sleep. He's been sure he'd end up in various states of insanity again tonight. Maybe it isn't so bad to have Derek with him after all. 

"I dunno, I have a lot of DVD's. You can choose whatever you want, I don't really care." 

Derek nods and goes off into the living room, sorting through the numerous DVD-cases that are spread around the floor. Stiles knows that for anyone who knows about all of this it is clear that Stiles has spent more than just one night like this. Keeping himself awake with coffee and Coca Cola while watching a movie just to keep his eyelids preoccupied from falling closed. He doesn't even know what movies he's seen yesterday if he is honest. 

"How about that one?", he hears Derek ask and looks up just to see him holding up one of the cases. 

"Iron Man! Yeah, sure, why not?" 

Stiles takes his glass with him and sits down on the couch while Derek turns on the TV and puts the DVD in. It is weird how well Derek fits into this picture and if this had been any other situation Stiles may have let himself go further with his thoughts but tonight he stops himself. He can't think about it. He shouldn't. Especially not with Derek around. Also, there is no way he is awake enough to control anything that is happening, so he just watches the former alpha and tries to keep his head from going anywhere else. 

Derek moves back to sit beside him and the movie starts. Stiles stares at the screen but if you would ask him what is happening right this second, he wouldn't be able to tell. It is like staring into space for him, the crashing sounds of the TV keeping his brain more or less awake. He tries to follow the plot but after about ten minutes he just stops trying. He knows the movie anyway, it is one of his favorites. If Derek wants him too he can recite the whole movie from beginning to end just to prove he's been paying attention but then again Derek is a werewolf. He would definitely know if Stiles is lying to him. 

About half an hour in Stiles feels his eyelids getting heavier and heavier. He knows that tonight he probably won't be able to fight the sandman off with forcing his eyes to stay open. His body has already began to betray him, his head sinks down to his chest and his ribcage curls into a round position. 

There is no room to fight anymore and as he slowly sinks into the cushions of the couch he is suddenly glad that Derek is there to keep watch over him and wake him up whenever he feels it is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> A warning for the next chapter: There will be mentions of nightmares, panic attacks and fire. Also of people dying and getting hurt, it's described not in vivid details but still enough to maybe trigger someone. I will put a warning tag on this story right away and I will write another trigger warning on the beginning of the next chapter but I just want to give you guys a heads up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cruel nightmares catch up to Stiles as soon as he closes his eyes. Will Derek be able to calm him down and bring him back to reality?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who gave me kudos and also to everyone who read the last two chapters. I am really excited about all of this. 
> 
> This chapter considers some triggers, so please be careful. The triggers are description of violance, fire and death. If you do NOT want to read these triggers you can skip the cursive part of this chapter. In the second part of the chapter Stiles is waking up from his nightmare and trying to find out if things are real or not, so if that triggers you, it might be good for you to just skip this chapter all together.  
> I am trying to keep the triggers at a very low number but I just wanted to warn you guys.
> 
> The song for this weeks chapter is Valtari by Sirgur Ros. You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfJVAoTE2PI
> 
> If you want to contact me about anything, you can do so on Tumblr. My username is erciareyes. :)

_He is running out of breath. He is suffocating. He is going to die. The shadows around him draw closer, cutting of his way of flight._  
 _"No! Go away! Leave me alone! Please!", he screams at them but his words grow quiet like an echo in the mountains and the shadows come closer step by step._  
 _"Nie! Nie zblizajcie sie! Nie dotykajcie mnie." (No! Stay away! Don't touch me!)_  
 _His voice gets thinner with every scream he utters and he feels that he is going to lose it._  
 _"Jesteśmy tu po ciebie. Po was." (We are here to get you. All of you.)_  
 _"Nie, nie dostaniecie mnie!" (No! You can't have me!)_  
 _Stiles turnsaround, trying to find a way out, trying to push the shadows out of the way but they keep pushing him back until his head hits the ground with a crack._  
 _"My już cię mamy, Stiles. Mamy was wszystkich." (We already have you, Stiles. All of you.)_  
 _Something behind them moves and the shadows around him clear away until Stiles can see what is now standing in the middle of the room. The stump of the Nemeton grows out of the floor in the middle of the room and Stiles takes a step back because there is something else. People who are standing on the Nemeton._  
 _"Derek?", he whispers and the person looks up, sad eyes and terrified expression._  
 _"Scott? Lydia?"_  
 _The redheaded girl looks up, there are black tear streaks all over her pretty face where her mascara has run away. She is whimpering, sobbing and Stiles feels his heart ache. He suddenly recognizes the others. Allison, Isaac, Melissa, his dad...even Erica and Boyd although they are both dead. They look like hell, tears running down their faces until Stiles notices that their hands and feet are bound. They can't move. They can't run._  
 _"What are you doing?", he asks into the air like he expects someone to answer. "Stop this! They have nothing to do with this. You can't do that. Przestańcie!" (Stop it!)_  
 _There is a strange smell in the air, pieces of ash come flying from somewhere and before Stiles can realize what is happening the stump of the Nemeton is in covered in flames and smoke._  
 _"No! No!"_  
 _He runs into the direction of the fire, rips off his shirt, ready to try and put it out with everything he can but a few meters before the tree stump he bumps into something. It's like an invisible wall holding him up._  
 _Derek's jeans catch fire and he can hear the screams, forever burned into his brains. Lydia's hair is now red with flames and Stiles brakes down crying, sobbing, screaming._ _The smell of burning flesh hangs heavy in the air. They are burning alive. They are all dying and there is nothing he can do._  
 _"No! Make it stop! STOP! STOP STOOOOOP!"_  
 _He can still hear Derek's voice, calling his name but he can't bring himself to look out for him._  
 _"Stiles...Stiles..."_

 

"Stiles wake up!"

Stiles shots into the air, his body shaking, his voice hoarse but his brain still told him to scream for his friend's lives. For his dad's live. For his own.

"No...no...god no...oh god." 

There are arms wrapped tightly around him, someone is rocking him back and forth, brushing his damp hair out of his face. It takes him a few seconds to realize that this time it isn't his dad. It is Derek. Derek Hale. 

He moves out of the werewolf's arms and up on the couch, away from him. 

"This is a dream. Oh god, I am still dreaming.", he whispers to himself. "Wake up, Stiles. Wake up. Wake up right now. Oh god...wake up." 

His fingernails dig into his skin, trying to inflict pain on himself so he will wake up. Again. 

"Stiles...shhh...you are awake."

Derek's hand is on his shoulder, trying to calm him down and he has that look on his face again. Stiles starts sobbing. This isn't real. It can't be.

"No, I am dreaming. This is not real. You are...NO! Don't touch me. Go away." 

The werewolf moves his hands away but stays close to the struggling boy. 

"Stiles, listen to me, we decided that I was gonna look after you, remember? I told you I will keep you safe. I am keeping you safe, okay?" 

Stiles takes a deep breath and then pushes the air out of his lungs again, controlled. He needs to control this situation, dream or not. He cannot let this get out of hand. He needs control.

"How can I convince you that you are awake?" 

"Count your fingers with me.", Stiles pushes out through his teeth and Derek puts up his hands in front of him.

"Okay...one,two,three,...", Derek starts counting. "Come on, do it with me!" 

"Four, f-f-five, six, god...s-s-e-ev-" His voice breaks in the middle of the word and Derek nudges his knee with his own.

"Keep counting, Stiles. Stay with me." 

"Eight! Ni-...Nine! Ten!", he breathes out. "Ten!" 

"Yes, ten fingers. I have ten fingers, Stiles. You see?" 

Derek wiggles his fingers in front of Stiles eyes and smiles a bit. Stiles lets himself fall forward, into Derek's arms, that catch him before he hits the hardness of Derek's chest. He lays his head against the werewolf's neck and breathes in. 

"You are safe here, Stiles. I will keep you safe."

Stiles slings his arms around Derek's shoulders and lets the older man pull him in closer as fingers wind through his hair. 

"It's alright now, Stiles."

"Yeah, it is.", he murmured. 

They stay like that, tangled in another like lovers clinging, Derek rocking back and forth, cradling Stiles again his chest like a child, until Stiles pushes himself up and away from him. He gives Derek an embarrassed look before he sits back on the couch, a few inches away from the older man, letting his head fall into his hands.

"You don't have to be ashamed for needing comfort. It's okay to need it sometimes, especially in times like these. You don't have to be strong for me, I know how it feels."

Stiles looks up at the werewolf. It is funny how it is Derek, of all people, telling him that it is okay to need comfort and help when he always runs into hell all by himself. But yes, of course Derek knows how it feels, he lost his whole family in a fire. The nightmares must have been horrible. If anyone knows what Stiles is going through right now, then it is probably him, one reason more why Stiles is suddenly glad that it was Derek here with him and not Lydia or Isaac. 

"I just feel so...weak. I can't control it."

"That's why they're dreams, Stiles. You are not supposed to control them." 

"Yeah, but I don't think they are supposed to control me either!", Stiles huffs into his hands as he rubs them over his tired, wet eyes. 

"No, they are not. That's why I am here. I won't let them control you, I promise." 

Stiles stays silent and nods. He doesn't know what to say. This is unknown territory for him, he doesn't know how to deal with all of this. 

"I am gonna get you a glass of water, you must be dehydrated." 

Derek moves to get up and Stiles hand shots out before he even knows what he is doing. He grabs the older men's hand tightly and pulls him back. 

"No!", he breathed out. "Stay! Don't leave!" 

Derek sits down again, a bit closer to Stiles' side.

"Okay."

It doesn't take long until Stiles feels sleep come in over him again and he tries to keep his eyes open with every ounce of power he has left inside of him, until a strong hand curls around his thin wrist and covers his own hand with a soothing warmth. 

"It's okay, Stiles. I'll be here to wake you up.", Derek whispers, his thumb slowly caressing Stiles'. 

Stiles head sinks down again, just like it did before, and within seconds sleep is enclosing him like a thick fog. He only feels the slight pressure when his head connects with Derek's shoulder, soft and slow, sinking into the other man's warmth, the sound of a strong, beating heart lulling him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Please remember to comment and give kudos if you liked it or if you want to tell me something, it keeps me motivated and makes every writer happy. ;) 
> 
> Other than that, have a nice week & stay safe. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Breakfast?", Stiles asks and he really can't believe it. Derek Hale is standing in his kitchen talking about making him breakfast. Him, the one and only Stiles Stilinski. He didn't even think that Derek considered him worthy of breakfast until right now. Well, that's a bit overstated, because during the last few months they've grown together. He considers Derek as a friend, someone he can trust and Derek considers him...Stiles guesses that Derek thinks he is at least passable company. Still, Derek Hale cooking breakfast, that's something entirely new to him. 
> 
> "Yeah, breakfast....food you eat in the morning?" 
> 
> "I know what breakfast is, dumbass, I just never thought you were the breakfast-cooking type. You don't look like it.", Stiles says and shrugs his shoulders. 
> 
> "So how does someone who likes to cook breakfast look like in your eyes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, I want to thank every one who read the last chapter and left me some kudos. Kudos and comments make my day :)
> 
> For this chapter, there are no warnings needed. It should be trigger-free and save to read for everyone. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> As always, there's a song for this chapter and this time it's 'I've Got This Friend' by The Civil Wars (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iKLl6LeJxU) 
> 
> I hope enjoy this chapter :)

Waking up feels like coming up from under a surface of water. There are voices he knows, voices he trusts, muffled and dull in his ear because he still isn't fully awake. He's afraid to open his eyes, worried about what he might see if he dares to do so. The warmth that he vaguely remembers is gone and he finds himself tugged under the scratchy blanket his dad keeps next to the couch instead. He has always hated that blanket, he still does, but he doesn't want to move in fear that he could pull unwanted attention to him. The voices get clearer. 

"He fell asleep at about three in the morning." It is Derek, Stiles recognizes his dark voice. He would recognize it anywhere. 

"Good, that's...good. To be honest, I think he hasn't been sleeping for days before last night, so..." And that's his dad's voice. He wonders what time it is, because it must be quiet late if his dad is already awake after having the night-shift. Did he miss school?

"Yeah, I know." 

"Can I ask you...I mean...do you think it has to do with that tree? Or could this be something else, too?" 

"I don't know. It could be the Nematon, Allison and Scott have their problems with it too, so it's my best guess." 

"It's just that I started to notice certain...patterns, you know? Patterns that I have seen..." 

Stiles almost wants to shout it out loud, because he knows what his dad wants to say. He has seen them on his wife, Stiles' mother. Nightmares, Hallucination, all the real fun. And Stiles can't say he hasn't thought about it too, but hearing his dad saying it out loud makes it ten times worse. He doesn't want his dad to worry. 

"He's awake.", he hears Derek say. His dad doesn't finish his sentence but instead his heavy footsteps make their way to the couch. 

"Morning kiddo.", he says and Stiles finally opens his eyes, relieved to see his dad (and also Derek) well and alive. They are not chained up on a wall or bound to a stake. He is awake, at least he thinks he is. 

"Hey dad. Why are you up already?" 

Stiles sits up on the couch and blinks into the bright sunlight that is coming through the window in the living room. 

"I am not up already, I am still up. I came home a few minutes ago and found Derek sitting at the kitchen table. We didn't want to wake you, so we talked for a bit in the kitchen. Next time you want to invite a werewolf over for a sleepover, give me a heads up, okay? I nearly shot him because I didn't expect him to be just sitting around in our kitchen." 

Stiles smiles a bit. "Well, you better get used to it, he has a tendency to just show up out of nowhere." 

The Sheriff smiles back at his son and ruffles his hair. "I bet he does but not in my house. Next time I want to know what's going on." 

A yawn interrupts his speech and he lets out a sigh. "As for now, I will go and get some sleep, we got some rough calls in last night, a robbery, a bar fight, the usual stuff." 

He stands up and Stiles finally untangles himself from the monstrosity of a blanket his grandma (from his father's side) has sent him for his twelfth birthday. He has no idea why his dad keeps insisting that they have to keep it because it isn't only scratchy but also smells like his grandma...and not in a good way.   
Stiles waits until he hears his dad's bedroom door closing, before he turns round to Derek, who is still standing in the kitchen, a glass of milk in hand, acting like he didn't just hear everything the Sheriff and Stiles discussed. 

"Can you pour me one too?", Stiles asks, after a few minutes of silence and makes his way into the kitchen.

"Sure.", the older man mumbles and gets a glass out of one of the cupboards like he's done it a thousand times before. 

"You know how to find things around here awfully well, how comes?"

Stiles takes his glass of milk from Derek, eyeing him curiously. Seriously, even he has troubles finding things around this house sometimes and Derek just swoops in and knows...well...everything, apparently. 

"I had a bit of time to look around while you were asleep, so I thought maybe I could find some stuff to make breakfast." 

"Breakfast?", Stiles asks and he really can't believe it. Derek Hale is standing in his kitchen talking about making him breakfast. Him, the one and only Stiles Stilinski. He didn't even think that Derek considered him worthy of breakfast until right now. Well, that's a bit overstated, because during the last few months they've grown together. He considers Derek as a friend, someone he can trust and Derek considers him...Stiles guesses that Derek thinks he is at least passable company. Still, Derek Hale cooking breakfast, that's something entirely new to him. 

"Yeah, breakfast....food you eat in the morning?" 

"I know what breakfast is, dumbass, I just never thought you were the breakfast-cooking type. You don't look like it.", Stiles says and shrugs his shoulders. 

"So how does someone who likes to cook breakfast look like in your eyes?" 

Stiles suddenly feels like Derek is taking his words as an insult and it is a bit funny because he is holding a glass of milk his one and a plate full of scrambled eggs in his other hand, looking like a majorly pissed housewife whose husband just told her that his mum made better eggs. It's amusing.

"Hey, I am sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or anything. If you want to scramble eggs in the morning, then scramble away. I am not complaining. Do you see me complaining? No! And now give me that plate before you accidently throw it on the floor trying to make your point." 

Stiles is making grabby hands to Derek, urging him to give him the plate because honestly? Stiles fears for his breakfast. And as much as he wants to make fun of Derek for playing house, he has to admit that it tastes pretty fucking good. 

"You want some toast too?", Derek asks and Stiles more or less yanks it out of the older man's hands. 

He digs into his food like he hasn't eaten anything in at least four days. When he thinks about it, it is kind of true because other than coffee, red bull and some Reese's he hasn't eaten much. His appetite just hasn't been that strong but now he feels like he is starving.   
It's not until he is almost finished that he comes to think about what Derek has actually said. He has looked around the kitchen and cooked breakfast while Stiles has been asleep. So if Derek did all that...

"Did you even sleep?", Stiles blurts out and stares at the werewolf. 

Derek shrugs. "Yeah, I tried to but you kept pushing me off the couch and the floor didn't seem too comfortable to sleep on. I wasn't really tired anyway." 

Even Stiles can tell that's a lie even without being a werewolf because Derek looks worn out and just about done with the world. 

"I'm sorry. You should have woken me up, should've told me to move my lanky ass up to my bed so you could get some sleep too." 

Derek gives him a small smile before shaking his head no. "You slept peacefully for the first time in days, Stiles. I couldn't wake you. It's okay, really. I will drive home when you go to school and get some sleep and then come back again tonight." 

Stiles lets his fork sink and eyes the older man for a few seconds. "I think that's a really shitty plan because I am sure you have things to do for yourself too, like doing the shopping or working out or god...I don't know, whatever you do all day long. You can't always spend your days sleeping just because you won't sleep here. If I fall asleep on the couch tonight, just go up to my room and sleep in my bed, okay?" 

His eyes sink to his plate. He feels guilty for putting this on Derek, when the man sure as hell has enough things to take care of. 

"I just don't want to make this harder than it already is, okay? You get some sleep, I get some sleep and you will still hear me when I get up at night or something, it should be fine, right?" 

Derek sighs and drinks the last bit of his milk, putting the empty glass on the table. "Yeah, sure, we can do that." 

He doesn't sound convincing but Stiles takes it anyway. He doesn't feel like arguing with Derek right now, which scares him a bit because normally arguing with Derek is one of his favorite hobbies. 

"You do know that you drove my jeep here last night, right?" 

Derek groans and lets his head sink against the table and Stiles almost feels guilty for pointing that out. He doesn't want to make Derek walk all the way to his loft when he is already tired so Stiles ends up driving Derek home before he makes his way to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's that. A bit of fluff, a bit of fun and a really good breakfast ;)   
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter & you will stay with me on the journey that is this story.  
> I promise this is going to get a bit darker and a bit more complicated. It will get a bit faster paced too, but I just wanted to establish the story before I go there. 
> 
> So, with the next few chapters, we will still see a bit of Stiles' general state, before you will finally find out what happened ;) 
> 
> As always, I would love it if you left some comments or kudos and you can always write me a personal message, if you want to. 
> 
> I hope you guys have a great week. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles feels like he's getting better but you should never praise the day before the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who left kudos and comments, you are making my days brighter. <3 
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer, just because I thought that splitting it into two parts would make the chapters too short. Also, there's not that much happening in the first part of the chapter, so this way, you'll get a bit more to read. 
> 
> I am putting a trigger warning on this one, because Stiles is having a panic attack, once again. It's only a short part of the chapter, in the second part. You can skip it, you won't miss anything important. :)

When Stiles gets to school , Scott is already waiting for him with Isaac more or less glued to his side. He goes over to his best friend and puts his hand on Scott's shoulder. 

"Hey buddy, how was your night?", he asks and gives a polite nod to Isaac.

"It was great, I slept really well." Scott gives him a splendid smile and Stiles just grins back, shaking his head a bit. 

He would bet that Scott had a good night because whatever the hell is going on between Allison and Isaac, there is also something going on between Isaac and Scott. It's very weird but Stiles has decided not to say anything about it. His best friend has the freedom to do whatever he wants to do, Stiles is not the one to judge, even if Scott should choose to do these things with Isaac, of all people. 

"How was yours? You are pretty late..."   
"Uhm, yeah, it was okay. I mean...it's Derek, you know?" He shrugs and gives his best friend an awkward smile. "But yeah, it was good, I brought him home this morning because Derek drove Roscoe last night. I got some sleep and Derek even made breakfast, didn't sleep all night. I told him he should get that stick out of his ass and just go sleep in my bed if he doesn't fit on the couch." 

Scott gives him a confused look. "He didn't fit on the couch? And he made breakfast?" 

The school bell rings, so the boys start to move towards the entrance of the school to make it to class in time. Stiles chooses to ignore the breakfast question because he doesn't really want to explain it to Scott. Isaac however has a smug grin on his face and considering that he has lived with Derek for while Stiles thinks that maybe the young werewolf is used to the breakfast treatment already. 

"Nah, I guess he would fit on the couch but I fell asleep when we were watching a movie and apparently I managed to kick a grown werewolf off the couch while I was asleep. At least that's what Derek said but I think he was just afraid he would miss something.", Stiles sighs and Scott gives him an understanding nod.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds legit. I mean, Derek is really worried about you, man."

"He was already running around your house all the time, making sure you were fine. It was bordering on stalking.", Isaac finally says and shakes his head unbelievingly. 

For a few seconds Stiles thinks about that. Derek is worried about him? Until last night Stiles would have probably laughed that thought off but he saw the look in the werewolves eyes and remembering the touch of Derek's hand on his made the hairs on his skin stand up. Derek cares, at least enough to take care of him. Still, he didn't know that Derek has been spying on him during the last weeks. He didn't even notice. 

"He did? Woah! You know, he has a really creepy side on him. It's not even funny anymore." 

"I don't think it ever was funny.", Scott laughs. 

They reach the classroom, where Lydia and Allison are waiting for them. Allison looks good and well rested which relieves Stiles a bit. Allison was having real troubled with sleeping too, she has told him that she's dreamed about her crazy aunt all the time so seeing her fresh and awake is a good thing. Allison gives him a little smile and then turns her attention to both, Scott and Isaac, who suddenly take in both of her sides when they all walk into class. 

"You look better.", Lydia says when she appears on his side, putting her hand on his arm. 

"Thanks! You look beautiful as always." 

The redheaded beauty winks at him and gives him a huge smile. "Please, tell me something I don't know." , she grins as she takes a seat next to Allison. 

Mr. Yukimura, their new history teacher, asks for the class's attention and Stiles turns his head to the front. Maybe this hasn't been such a bad idea. Scott seems happier, Allison looks more balanced and Stiles feels far better than he has in weeks. Yeah, maybe things are going to be okay.   
______

Of course things are not going okay because halfway through economics Stiles falls asleep on his desk again, apparently he still didn't get enough sleep that night, and wakes up to Scott shaking him awake. His best friend's eyes are wide in confusion and horror. 

"Stiles, are you okay?", he asks and Stiles just nods. 

"Yeah, just fell asleep again. I guess watching that movie so later yesterday wasn't such a good idea." 

He shrugs and gives his friend a reassuring smile until he notices that Scott isn't the only one starring. The coach looks at him like he's just seen a ghost and the other students seem confused and scared as well. 

"Dude...", he hears Scott say next to him. "You wouldn't stop screaming. You just sat there, staring right ahead, shouting various names." 

A cold shiver runs down his spine, the hairs on his skin clearly visible and suddenly the class room feels very small. 

"Names?", he whispers and looks at Scott, still unbelieving. 

"Yeah, Lydia's name, mine, your dad's...Derek's." 

He tries to breathe in but somehow the air gets stuck in his lungs and he can't get himself to breathe out again. He doesn't remember dreaming anything, hell he doesn't even remember falling asleep. The last thing he remembers is lunch with Scott and Isaac, watching them as they shyly stole various pieces of food from the other plate like grade-schoolers. A sob squeezes itself out between his trembling lips. What the hell is happening here? Is all of this a dream? Is he still sleeping? 

His eyes automatically fall to his hands, counting his fingers again and again and again. Ten. Ten fingers. He is awake. This is happening.

"This is real.", he whispers.

"Of course it's real. Stiles, are you sure you're okay, do you need to go outside or something?" 

He shakes his head and doesn't stop. He is stuck in the movement, stuck in the moment. He doesn't have control over this anymore, it is eating him up, slowly but surely. 

"McCall, take Stilinski for a trip to the nurse, he looks like he's freaking out." 

Stiles numbly notices his best friend heaving him out of his chair and out of the classroom where Stiles just drops on the floor in front of the lockers, hyperventilating. 

"Hey, are you having a panic attack?" 

He can't answer. There's no air to breathe, no words to speak, no coherent thoughts inside his head. Only the sound of his own heart beating frantically against his chest. 

"Stiles! Talk to me! Please!" 

He squeezes his eyes closed. Scott's voice seems miles away, like he is underwater, drowning in fear. 

"Do you want me to call Lydia? That worked last time, right? I am gonna call-"

"No! Not Lydia...", Stiles breathes and forces himself to keep breathing. 

In and out. In and out. Steady, like the sound of Derek's heart last night. Stiles doesn't know why he remembers it, doesn't even know if it is real but it helps. It calms him down to think about the werewolf's beating heart against his ear, the warmth that covered him last night. It had been so soothing and it still is. 

"Not Lydia.", he says again and sinks down a wall, lets his head rest against it, just breathing. He doesn't want her to see him like this, not again.

There's silence for a while, only Scott and Stiles holding on to each other's presence. 

"Are you feeling better?", Scott asks after a while. Stiles nods. 

"Dude, you scared the hell out of me.", he hears Scott say and Stiles wants to tell him that it scared the hell out of him too but he can't find words. He's never felt it so strong before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> Please don't forget to leave kudos and/or comment, I live and breathe for them. ;) 
> 
> If you want to follow me on Tumblr, you are very welcome to join me. My username is erciareyes. 
> 
> I hope you have a lovely week & I'll be back with a new chapter next Sunday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's okay to be scared, Stiles. Fear doesn't make you weak." Derek says. Stiles nods. 
> 
> He's not convinced but he still finds Derek's words comforting because at least he doesn't make him feels like a total mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again :) It's Sunday and I am back with a new chapter. I want to thank you guys for all of the kudos and the comments and the messages I got on Tumblr. They make my day, they really do <3 
> 
> So, this chapter doesn't really have any new trigger warnings. Stiles does have the beginning of another panic attack, Derek helps him through though.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Stiles can't stop worrying about it. The incident during economics doesn't let go of him and he still breaks into cold sweat every time he thinks about it. It's not normal, things like that don't just happen and it certainly isn't something ‘small’ like having sleeping troubles anymore. This is getting serious really fast. 

Stiles parks his Jeep outside his house and just sits in the car for a few minutes, breathing and trying to calm himself down. His breath is hitching again, the edge of another panic attack coming closer by the second and he has no idea how to stop it from hitting him like a wave. It's frustrating; all of this is just so frustrating. He thought that he had control over this, that he could prevent himself from bad dreams and sleepwalking by not sleeping at. He thought that he could trick that stupid tree by not giving in but now he realizes that he doesn't have any control at all. He can't even control his own body anymore. 

Tears start running down his face and his hands grasp the steering wheel so tight his knuckles stand out white against his already pale skin. He lets his head sink down against the wheel, breathing in and out and tries to remember the beat of Derek’s heart like he did before in hope that it will help but he just can't manage to focus enough.   
Time passes, he has no idea how long he’s been sitting in his Jeep already, when a warm hand on his arms makes him jump out of his seat. 

“Holy shit!” Stiles lets out a shaking breath when he realizes whose hand is on him. “You need to stop doing this! God!” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Derek says and takes his hand off Stiles’ arm. 

“Didn’t mean to scare me? What the hell did you think was gonna happen when you just touch me like that? I didn’t even…just…no, Derek. That’s not how you ‘not scare’ someone.” 

“I said I am sorry. I sometimes forget you can’t hear me coming.” 

“Great, you’re sorry, I get it. Doesn’t change a thing though because you nearly gave me a heart attack, you idiot.” Stiles hisses and then regrets it immediately. 

Derek’s shoulders sink down and his face falls into this strangely sad expression that makes Stiles’ insides shrink together. Derek doesn't deserve this, it isn't his fault he was too caught up in his own mind. The werewolf probably wanted to help bring him back to reality and hey, here he is. Back in reality. 

Stiles sighs and puts his hand on his face. “God, I am sorry Derek. That was…it’s not your fault okay? I am just really, really tired and frustrated. It has nothing to do with you.”

Derek nods, the sadness on his face now changing into worry. “It’s okay. I understand.” 

Stiles doesn't think that Derek really understands him but he gives him a half-hearted smile anyway before he grabs his backpack and climbs out of the car. He locks the Jeep and realizes for the first time that Derek’s Toyota is parked right behind his jeep. He hasn't even noticed the car until now. 

He sighs again and then moves past Derek to unlock the door and enter the house. The older man follows him inside, still not saying anything, so Stiles decides to get a glass of water in the kitchen. Derek follows, again, like a lost puppy or something and Stiles tries to ignore the crushing silence between them and ignore the werewolf behind him until he turns around and meets Derek’s worried eyes.

“Okay, what now?” Stiles asks and puts his glass down forcefully. 

“Scott told me what happened today at school.” Derek says and Stiles lets his shoulders sink down.

“Of course he did, thought that much.”

Stiles leans back against the kitchen counter in defeat. Yes, he guessed that Scott would have called Derek but he had still hoped that his best friend would maybe not do it. He doesn't want to worry any more people. He doesn't want to worry Derek, especially. 

"He's worried about you." 

Stiles nods. "I know." 

He doesn't know what else to say. He knows Scott's worried about him, everybody apparently is, including him. He thinks back to the moment he woke up in the classroom, tries to remember falling asleep, tries to go back to the moment he seems to have lost control over his body but there's nothing. His head is a blank, dark space and there are no memories until the moment Scott started talking to him. He swallows. 

"You're worried, too." Derek says, almost like he's asking Stiles.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I mean, this is just…it's fucking scary. I woke up in the classroom and I remember nothing at all. I can't remember falling asleep but Scott said that apparently I was awake? I don't remember being awake either. I remember nothing. It's just…gone." 

Stiles falls back against the counter. He feels the panic crawling up again, like a wave slowly making its way to the shore. He breathes in deeply, then breathes out in hope to stop the crushing feeling of losing control over his body. His eyes fall closed, his fingers start grasping the edge of the counter like it's meant to help him stay in reality. Like he's hanging on to it. 

Stiles is halfway into hyperventilating, feels himself slipping away for the second time today and he wants to cry. He wants to cry because he feels exhausted and he knows that after this there won't be any inch of his body that isn't screaming for rest. His head hurts. He feels hot, sweaty, out of breath and-

There's a hand on his shoulder suddenly, firm and warm like a rescue blanket and a voice telling him to breathe in slowly, out slowly. Someone tells him to concentrate on their voice, tells him to keep breathing with them and Stiles doesn't know why but he does. In for ten seconds, out for ten seconds, steady and slow. 

"You're doing good, Stiles." The voice says and for a second Stiles' heart jumps as he recognizes it and tries to figure out why Derek is in his house. 

The thinking keeps him from panicking again, as he puts the pieces together. Derek was there last night too, because Derek is on duty to watch him. Derek is here now because of the same reason. Derek is real and so is he. This is real, he's in control now. 

Stiles breathes out again, loosens his grip on the counter. The muscles in the hands hurt, his fingertips feel cramped and tired. Derek's voice is still telling him to breathe with him, so Stiles does. 

He does until he feels ready to open his eyes, to take over control of himself again. He sees Derek, close before him and he expected this weird worrying look Derek sometimes gives him but instead he's met with a calm mixture of green and blue and brown. Stiles swallows at the beauty of it. 

For seconds they just stand, looking at each other before Stiles blinks, looks at his feet in embarrassment. He suddenly remembers why Derek's so close to him, that Derek has just seen him in this vulnerable state again. Just like last night he feels like he somehow has failed to show Derek that he is a strong person, like he's just a small child and he hates it. All he's ever wanted was to show Derek how much he'd grown up in the last few months, to show him that he isn't the same kid that put him up for the murder of his sister anymore. That he is stronger now, more intelligent and way more mature. Instead he finds himself in a state of constant vulnerability around the werewolf.   
He's about to turn away when Derek squeezes his shoulder and Stiles looks up again. 

"It's okay to be scared, Stiles. Fear doesn't make you weak." Derek says. Stiles nods. 

He's not convinced but he still finds Derek's words comforting because at least he doesn't make him feels like a total mess.   
Derek lets his hand sink, takes a small step back to give Stiles some space and Stiles isn't sure if he likes it or not. He likes having Derek so close. 

"I think we should talk to Deaton." Derek states after a while of just standing in silence. 

"Scott already asked him and Deaton said he can't help us. He said he told us the risks and we chose to take them, so everything else is out of his control." 

Stiles almost wants to laugh at that because he thinks it's ridiculous. He doesn't regret getting into that bathtub but when he did, he had been under the impression that Deaton would be able to help them afterwards. He should have known better. 

"I know that, but he started this whole thing and he also warned all of you about the darkness, so he has to know something." 

There's this look in Derek's eyes, like he knows something Stiles doesn't know. He seems determined to believe that Deaton still knows something he hasn't told them yet. Like there is something more to the whole thing. It makes Stiles feels curious enough to nod. 

"Alright! Let's talk to Deaton again." he says and pushes himself away from the counter. 

Maybe Derek is right and Deaton will give them something to go with, now that the situation's sliding out of their hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, and we're at the end again. Since this is the last chapter that I'd written beforehand I can not guarantee that the next chapter will be done on time but I am trying my best next to work and all that jazz. ;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you will come back for more next week. 
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments. You can also write me on Tumblr, I am erciareyes there, too. 
> 
> I hope you have a very, very nice week.   
> See you next Sunday, guys <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek thinks that Deaton knows more than he's telling Stiles and demands his help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry about the long wait and I know this isn't a very long chapter either but I was pretty busy and then I got stuck in the story. But I am on board again, I promise it. I will however postpone my postings to once a month (or more when I've got more), so I don't have too much stress writing this. I still want to finish it, no worries, this will not be left unfinished :) 
> 
> Now I hope you enjoy the new chapter & I am already writing another one, so maybe you'll be able to read more very soon. 
> 
> The Song for this chapter is: Hold On by Sons Of The East (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ul5TfsygiI)

"There has to be something you can do." Derek says and Stiles feels like he's heard this conversation about a million times before. Scott has asked Deaton the same question when the symptoms had started and now they were here again, still no satisfying answer in sight. 

"I already told you, Derek, that I do not know how to help you. It is something Stiles has to battle on his own. I don't know how to stop the change happening." 

"That's bullshit. You can't have put them into this without at least something in mind…why would you do that?" 

Derek takes a step closer, almost crowding Deaton against the table. Stiles is still standing in the entrance, almost hiding behind the door. He hadn't said anything since they arrived. 

"I warned all three of them and they agreed to give a part of their soul to the Nemeton. They knew the risks and they decided to take them anyway, to save their parents. A very noble decision, if I might say, but dangerous nonetheless and it came with a price. Now please stop intimidating me, Derek, you are acting more and more like a wild animal." 

Deaton gives Derek a stern look and the werewolf steps back instinctively. With a short glance in Stiles direction, Deaton walks passed Derek and over to one of the cupboards. The vet takes out a small glass bottle filled with a purple liquid which he holds out to Stiles.

"I thought there's no way you can help me." Stiles mutters and steps a bit closer. 

"There isn't but this will help you sleep. You look like you could use a good night's sleep and while it won't hold the darkness off, it will ease your mind enough to let you sleep for a few hours. Put it in a glass of water or some warm milk before you go to sleep." 

Stiles takes the bottle, swaying it a bit and watching the yellowish liquid move. Derek comes to his side and takes it out of his hands only to open it and sniff on it.  
"Smells weird. What is it made of?" he asks and eyes it suspiciously. 

"It is made of wild flowers and spices that are known to have a calming effect on certain animals' mind and body but also the human's. It's simple homeopathy, nothing to be too wary about." 

Derek nods and gives the bottle back to Stiles, turning to him fully now. 

"You don't have to take it, if you don't want to." Derek whispers, as if Deaton wouldn't be able to hear it in the small room. 

Deaton sighs and shakes his head slightly. "I am going to look if there are any other patients outside and leave you to talk. I must remind you however that I have work to do. I am a vet after all, even if no one seems to remember that." 

With that Deaton walks out of the room, closing the door behind him and Stiles bites his lip as he looks at Derek.

"He's right, you know? I really could use some good sleep. I mean, I slept last night but..." Stiles says as he reluctantly puts the bottle into the backpack he took with him from the house. "If it helps, I am willing to take anything. I just want to sleep again." 

"I know." Derek says. "I just…I don't trust him like you and Scott do." 

"Hey, I don't trust him either." Stiles protests. 

"You trusted him enough to let yourself get drowned in a bathtub full of ice-water to tie yourself to an immortal tree even with the prospect of darkness coming to get you and now here we are." 

Stiles' hands balls into fists at his sides. "There was no other choice, Derek! It was either that or letting my dad die for something I got him into. I couldn't let him die, he's my dad. I can't…I couldn't lose him too. I already lost my mum. It was the only option I had. Think about it, Derek, if you had the chance to save-" 

Stiles stops talking in the middle of the sentence, realizing what he was about to say. Derek's expression is hooded but his eyes show the flicker of hurt. 

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." he mumbles and his shoulders fall forward in regret.

"It's alright…not your fault." Derek says but there's a coldness in his voice that cuts Stiles like a knife. 

He asks himself how he always manages to hurt Derek, time and time again, by saying the wrong things at the wrong time. He remembers that moment in the hospital, when they were trying to get Jennifer to tell them the location she hid Melissa, Argent and his dad at. Stiles sees the look Derek gave him in that moment right before his eyes and even if he knows that there's no bad blood between them because of his outburst, he regrets that it's always Derek getting the full impact of his anger and frustration. It's not like he's angry at Derek, he's not frustrated with him but with himself because he can't seem to get a grip on this darkness-thing while Scott and Allison seemed to deal so much better with it. 

"It's not okay, Derek. I can't blow up in your face every time I feel angry or frustrated. You're not my punching bag." Stiles sighs "And it's not your fault either, you were a teenager and you didn't know. You couldn't have known."

"I know that. I didn't say it was my fault just that it wasn't yours." 

Stiles stares at Derek for a moment, letting the words sink in. It's the first time he has ever heard Derek say that the fire wasn't his fault. Up until now he had thought that Derek was still feeling responsible for it. He'd never said it out loud of course but Stiles knew that Derek felt guilty when they first met and even if Derek never told them the story of how things went back then, Stiles knew exactly what happened. He'd figured it out after a while and after that a lot of things suddenly made much more sense. 

He gives Derek a short nod before he picks up his backpack. "Good. Because it's not. Nothing that happened was your fault." Stiles says again "And I am not just talking about the fire." 

Derek looks at him a bit confused before realization seems to set in and his expression changes. His eyes close and for a moment Stiles thinks he's going to say something but he doesn't and Stiles doesn't want to hurt him even more, so he stays quiet as well. 

The door opens and Deaton comes back in with an impatient look on his face.

"If you two gentlemen are done discussing, there is a puppy that needs my attention and I need this room. I would appreciate it if you could leave, silently."  
Stiles puts his backpack on and glances in Derek's direction. Derek is still standing in the same spot, like he's stuck. 

"Thank you, Doctor Deaton, for your help and well…this." Stiles points to his backpack. 

He walks over to the door, looking back at Derek one last time who seems to have woken up and gives Deaton a short nod before walking out of the clinic through the back door. 

Derek follows him outside and to the car, where he opens the door to the driver's side of the Jeep. Stiles walks over to the passenger's side, knowing that a discussion with Derek about driving won't lead anywhere at this point. He's also pretty relieved he doesn't have to drive because as soon as Derek starts the car, he feels his eyes falling closed time and time again and he thinks that driving in this state would probably a dangerous idea. 

They don't talk, just drive in silence but Stiles sees Derek looking at him every few minutes from the corner of his eye. He asks himself if maybe there really is something that Derek's not telling him, something that Derek knows and he doesn't. Stiles decides he doesn't want to know, he just wants things to go back to normal as soon as possible.


End file.
